I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
