I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
