I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
