Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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