In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
