I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
