I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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