I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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