I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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