She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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