Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
