I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
COCAINE IS GR8
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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