are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
