I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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