how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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