i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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