So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
