just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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