i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
