I heard we made out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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