i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
