never play flip cup with pint glasses
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
