It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
