you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
