a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
