She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
