3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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