how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
