I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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