can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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