We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
