it hurts more in the daytime
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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