Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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