dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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