If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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