im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
