I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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