Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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