the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
