You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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