I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
