Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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