8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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