Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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