I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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