Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
