3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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