He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
