Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
