No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
