I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
