Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
