I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
