please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
