the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
