Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
