I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
