As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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