shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
