I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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