mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Still dying that you shit outside
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
