i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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