we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
