does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
