drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
