If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
