piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
