very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
