bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I party with great urgency now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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