i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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