Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
