My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
