I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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