I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
