I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
