I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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