He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
