your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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