I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
