We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
