did you get engaged???
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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