Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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