I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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