John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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