Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
